Arts & Entertainment

THIS year's Big Brother house is to include quirky new features including a toilet in the middle of the livingroom floor and a room full of tigers.

SPEAKING from the sunken bath of his four room suite in Cannes, U2 frontman Bono has condemned the West for failing to eradicate Third World poverty.

KATE Moss last night declared her garage sale a roaring success after thousands of punters flocked to buy the model’s unwanted clothes and bric-a-brac. 

THE world's leading record companies have joined forces to call for a ban on whistling, claiming it is an infringement of copyright. 

HALFWITS, cretins and morons are to be denied access to the telephone system as part of a government crackdown on TV quizzes.

BREAKFAST television viewers have unwittingly lost billions of brain cells in the last four years by watching early morning shows, a Daily Mash investigation can reveal. 

THE BBC is to launch a new 24-hour radio station given over entirely to phone-ins from punters, promising round the clock burbling inanities and factual inaccuracy.

WITH one-in-three television programmes now classed as overtly racist, a new channel is being launched to cater for a growing market of bigoted lunatics.

HEATHER Mills McCartney, estranged wife of little known songwriter Sir Paul McCartney, yesterday summoned the world’s media to a major press conference where she demanded they ignore her completely.