Your Problems Solved

Petula says: Dear Faithful, Well spotted! Illicit mid-air hochmagandy does not count as a breach of your marriage vows, and nor does a bunk-up with a foreign waiter as long as you keep both your feet off the ground at all times. But beware! Standing on a dustbin round the back of the restaurant does not count! If you are determined to do it on home soil have a look at the notable dates section at the front of your Filofax. This lists all the days on which marriage vows do not apply. From memory there are about 11 a year. Hopefully these will be enough to keep you going for a while. Happy hoggins!

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Johnson Pledges Extra Tuck And Crackdown On Buggery

EVERY Londoner is to receive extra tuck before evensong and be given vouchers to opt out of buggery, the city’s new mayor has pledged.

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