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Your problems solved, with Holly Harper

Dear Holly,My boyfriend of 3 weeks has just asked me to marry him. Even though I still don’t know his middle name, and I’ve only seen his pee-pee once, I am seriously considering the option, mostly because I suspect I’d look lovely in a veil, plus I could do with some new crockery. Am I being too hasty?MelissaGateshead

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Insanely camp art critic attacks pantomime

“Dear, darling, scrumptious Corrie has become too, too modern and ghastly and deserves to have its lovely northern bottom thoroughly spanked with an ageing loofa,” says the experiment known as Brian Sewell

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