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Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly, I'm 29 and still a virgin. It's not through lack of trying – I'd dearly love to get my kicks from something more interactive than a poster of Hugh Grant and an Oral-B 500, but I simply can't pluck up the courage to talk to a real man. Every time I get chatted up I get all nervous and start looking for the nearest exit. How can I learn to keep my cool and hold a conversation with the opposite sex? Isobel, Chester

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Your Astrological Week Ahead...

Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)Saturn blasts his Belgian Gabba Hardcore on the stereo, readies the restraints and fires up the soldering iron. Time to drift off to your happy place until it's all over. Tuesdays, eh? Tsk.  Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN) Pluto tells you to think first, act later, and avoid going over the top. Unfortunately Mercury then has you court martialled and shot for cowardice. And quite right too.  Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB) After several locals are devoured by an enormous shark, you finally put aside your hydrophobia and galvanise the town council into action. So they send you out to sea in a stinking deathrap with a smart-arsed nerd and an alcoholic lunatic. Oh and by the way, that boat is nowhere near big enough.

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