Dear Holly,Until recently, my husband and I had a peaceful and happy existence in a quiet corner of upmarket suburbia, but ever since our new neighbours moved in we’ve had nothing but bother. We merely raised our eyebrows when we discovered they were cohabiting out of wedlock and that she was ‘with child’. But what sane individual would not start to have doubts upon noticing that they fail to use net curtains to hide the vulgar interior of their house, insist on cheapening the terrace with a satellite dish, and regularly shop in places like Asda when there is a perfectly good Marks and Spencer down the road. The final straw came when they threw a tacky birthday party for one of their brats, inviting a range of  obese, uncivilised and riotous children to create havoc in their back garden until at least 7pm on a Sunday evening. Midsomer Murders was ruined. How do I go about imprisoning these bastards  before my husband has a coronary?Miranda,Oakham

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