Dear Holly,The other day, I was in a nightclub, pulling my usual snake-like moves on the dance floor, when I spotted a pair of girls eyeing me up from the bar.  Performing an on-the-spot risk assessment, I attempted to select one of them for intercourse. One was hot from the neck up, but her body was rather too Michelle McManus, while her friend had a rack like Katy Perry but a face like Dot Cotton. Being a man of simple tastes, I went for the Katy-Dot combo, hoping that a few beers would take the glare off. However, you can imagine my outrage when I discovered too late that the apparently glorious breasts were, in fact, a cleverly concealed pair of chicken fillets, and that my conquest was pretty much all Dot and no Katy. I am considering taking this woman to court. Can you recommend a good lawyer?Roger,Belfast

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