Dear Holly,I’m having terrible trouble getting women to sleep with me, even though I have my chat-up technique honed to a fine art. Basically, after I have discretely drawn the woman’s attention to my semi-erect manhood by rubbing it slowly with a gloved hand and gesturing towards it with ‘come-to-bed’ eyes, I then purposefully allow my tongue to trace the outer edges of my lips, perhaps allowing a small stream of spittle to sexily trickle down my chin. I then begin to breathe deeply and heavily like some kind of sexually charged wild animal, all the time sliding closer and closer to to my quarry. Unfortunately, by the time I get within shagging distance, I’ve been ejected from whichever premises I happen to be in at the time and soon find myself in a frustrated heap by the side of the road. Can you offer any suggestions as to how I evade capture to ensure I finally get the chance to sex a helpless maiden?GeoffreyWinchester

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