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Your Astrological Week Ahead With...

Taurus (April 20-May 20) Summoned by the mightiest and most powerful races in the land, you're charged with the mission of going somewhere unbelievably dangerous with a ring of ultimate evil before dumping it into a massive volcano. Like fuck you will.   Gemini (21 MAY-20 JUN) There's something at the back of your fridge that resembles a walnut made of blue cheese. Saturn says you should eat it and then let me know what happens.   Cancer (21 JUN-22 JUL) Despite his quiet demeanour, your neighbour is not so much a wolf in sheep's clothing as a rabid wolverine in wolf's clothing. Just let him keep the lawnmower.

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Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear HollyI am terribly lonely and can't seem to make any friends. Whenever I try to engage a colleague in one of my favourite topics such as  ornithology, or Heraldry, their eyes seem to glaze over and they make excuses to leave. I recently invited everyone in the office to come over to mine to eat a ploughman's lunch and watch David Dimbleby's excellent documentary, The Seven Ages of Britain, but no-one turned up. Am I doing something wrong?Tim,Great Yarmouth

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