Your Astrological Week Ahead, With Psychic Bob

Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT)As a caring individual, you always make sure the meat you buy has come from animals that had a half-decent life before they were hacked to bits and wrapped in plastic like a lorry driver’s last victim. Give yourself a pat on the back.

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Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,I require your help with a rather sensitive issue, regarding the size of my wife’s backside. When we were married, many moons ago, it was neat and pert like a ripe peach. Unfortunately, as the years have passed, her posterior has grown exponentially, to resemble something not dissimilar in size to a naval destroyer. I have gingerly attempted to address the matter by subtly hinting that she might want to take up pilates or get on an exercise bike once in a while, but she’s too busy shovelling cake into her massive gob to take any notice. Can you offer a suggestion as to how I can broach this issue without getting punched in the balls?Harold,Lewisham

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