The Mash guide to being a dickhead on trains

ARE you bored of sitting quietly on trains and fancy being a pain in the arse instead? Read our guide to causing maximum annoyance. 

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‘Did I throw up in a pumpkin last night?’ asks bleary-eyed eight-year-old

AN EIGHT-YEAR-OLD has woken up in a tattered skeleton outfit surrounded by Swizzels wrappers with a vague memory of being sick in a jack-o’-lantern.

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