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Boy bands physically merge

EVERY boy band of the 80s, 90s and 00s has merged into a hideous oozing blob. Acts including McFly, Busted and Bros have had their genetic material altered to become a nightmarish seething mulch, with limbs and handsome faces protruding from it at strange angles.

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George Osborne to announce cuts while covered in diamonds

GEORGE Osborne is to announce multi-billion pound service cuts with more than 16,000 white diamonds glued to his body.

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