Dad disappointed he never got to be a heroin addict

THE release of T2 Trainspotting has left a middle-aged man feeling depressed that it is probably too late to become an Edinburgh heroin addict.

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Assange to hand himself in after realising he only had Adam Sandler films left to watch

JULIAN Assange is to hand himself over to US officials after watching every film that doesn’t feature Adam Sandler.

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