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Seven books that cannot be sexed up for the movies

THE recent film of Wuthering Heights starring Margot Robbie was a 1990s straight-to-video erotic thriller set in Yorkshire, but not every book is a cinematic bonkbuster ready to happen: 

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Every f**ker with a garden trying to offload their crap apples

EVERY bastard with an apple tree in their garden is pressing whole shopping bags full of inedible fruit on their friends, family and colleagues. 

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