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Most important man in the world puts out-of-office response on for afternoon off

THE most important man in recorded history has set an out-of-office auto-response on his email for 1pm until 6pm today. 

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Johnson restricts MPs' second jobs to Telegraph columnist, writing Shakespeare book or Mayor of London

THE prime minister has announced that the only jobs MPs are allowed from now on are Telegraph columnist, writing books about Shakespeare or Mayor of London. 

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