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My nine-point plan for the world to forget what a bellend I've been, by Elon Musk

UNACCOUNTABLY, it appears acting the twat in front of the whole world can damage perceptions of you. No matter. This is my genius plan to turn that around: 

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Six pricks who'll jump the queue to see the Pope lying in state

NOTHING brings out the world’s pushy knobheads like a lying-in-state, so expect to see these monsters make a mockery of open casket mourning at the Basilica: 

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