Dear Holly,My girlfriend and I are deeply in love, and I would dearly love her to be my wife one day. However, my prospective mother-in-law (who actually does look like Zelda from Terrahawks) hates my guts and makes my life a misery at every possible opportunity. No matter how hard I try, she is always criticising me and telling my girlfriend I am a loser. Can you suggest anything that will prevent me from driving a cake fork into the bitch's face?Basil,Grantham

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