Flood Warning As Peter Andre's Tears Form Pathetic Lake Of Sorrow

EXPERTS have warned that unless Peter Andre stops weeping over his divorce much of southern England could soon be submerged by his pathetic tears.

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Man You've Never Heard Of Is Now Thing You Don't Care About

BRITISH politics was in turmoil last night after a man you have never heard of was elected to do something you couldn't care less about.

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