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Jacob Rees-Mogg tells heartbroken brood they will only have a 12-bird roast this Christmas

JACOB Rees-Mogg has informed his wife and six children that shortages mean their Christmas feast will be a mere 12-bird roast instead of the usual 17. 

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Man who just got the hang of his boiler says heat pumps can get f**ked

A MAN who spent three years learning how to make his gas boiler turn on at the right time says the government can shove their heat pumps up their arses. 

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