Dear Holly, I am a 31 year old woman and I haven't yet managed to find that special someone. I used to relish being single when I was in my twenties, but now I am just pathetic and lonely. While my married friends spend their weekends dripping with wholesomeness in the park or leaping around with a beachball at a sickeningly harmonious family picnic, I am to be found alone in my dark, squalid little flat, attempting to lure unsuspecting bachelors inside in the desperate hope of snaring one as a husband forever. When I'm not unsuccessfully tempting random gentlemen with offers of sordid sex over a flowery bedspread, my only other option is to don a pair of Topshop pyjamas from 1995, cover myself in biscuit crumbs, and fiddle with myself on the sofa while watching Pretty Woman. Can you help me find a man? Karen, Surrey

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