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Did we say go to Spain? Sorry, we meant 'lose two weeks' income', clarifies government

THE goverment has clarified that when it said ‘go to Spain’ it meant ‘prepare for a fortnight’s house arrest and possibly losing your job’. 

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'Lively contributor' = 'Never shuts the f**k up': your guide to school report euphemisms

TEACHERS are no longer allowed to tell you your child is stupid. Here’s how to read between the lines of their end-of-term report: 

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