Future of Western civilisation at stake thanks to me, says 'proud' Trump

PRESIDENT Trump has confirmed that the future of Western civilisation stands in the balance if it continues to elect imbecilic despots like himself.

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Politics to have football-style season to give voters break from relentless horseshit

POLITICS is to be run on a season-to-season basis like football, in order to give the public regular breaks from the unbearable quantity of shit.

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