International

HOSNI Mubarak has been urged to resign by the dog-faced space aliens who founded Egypt more than 8,000 years ago.

NEW York is bidding to reverse its plummeting violent crime figures by not letting anybody smoke.

THOUSANDS of panicked UK tourists in Egypt contacted the Foreign Office last night after it emerged their mojito had still not arrived.

NELSON Mandela is to resign from being himself to make way for Morgan Freeman.

SARAH Palin has hit out at her critics in the wake of the Tuscon shootings claiming they have fired at her 'with a semi-automatic hunting rifle of injustice'.

THE United States has taken another small step towards realising they are not all the stars of some badly written melodrama.

INTERNATIONAL diplomats have been given a tour of Iran's nuclear facilities after finding a golden ticket inside a Lion Bar.

INTELLIGENCE chiefs believe Russia may be engaged in a complex double bluff after infiltrating the office of a Liberal Democrat MP.

WIKILEAKS was last night accused of putting lives at risk after destroying an Afghan village with an unmanned drone.

SARAH Palin has pledged a campaign of systematic fish genocide in a bid to stop marine life forms spreading lies about evolution.