International

NORTH and South Korea have been urged to settle their differences over a big plate of dog chops.

IRELAND is to save itself from bankruptcy by dancing.

GEORGE W Bush has defended his presidency insisting history will wait until he is dead before admitting that mass killing and bankruptcy are excellent.

A FRENCH village plagued by an influx of copulating naturists is campaigning for the return of overweight, erection-free volley ball players.

THE United States last night reasserted its hard won freedom to punch itself squarely in the balls.

PROSTITUTES across Spain are ordering a range of home improvements after their earning estimates for next year were revised upwards.

THE Vatican blocked a visit by French first lady Carla Bruni in order to prevent a full-scale Papal engorgement, it has been confirmed.

THE first of the trapped Chilean miners brought to the surface have admitted that four of their colleagues were delicious.

THE president of Iran last night fought off an angry United Nations General Assembly using nothing but a medium sized courgette.

MEN cannot resist touching themselves while watching Tea Party candidate Christine O'Donnell's anti-masturbation diatribe, it has emerged.