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Get better looking than your ex, and other great spiteful resolutions

SCREW self-improvement and growth. New Year’s resolutions are best made with bitterness and malice. Like these:

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The middle-aged couple's guide to pretending you still give a f**k about New Year's Eve

NEW Year’s Eve was bad enough when you were young and carefree, but now you’re middle-aged with kids the magic is dead. Fool yourself that it’s still 2005:

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