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I've been unemployed for 22 years, but now I get to beat the hosepipe ban it's finally paying off

By professional jobseeker Tom Logan, aged 44

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Jude Bellingham confident nation won't viciously turn on him if this f**ks up

JUDE Bellingham has no concerns that England, who has decided he is its newest hero, will turn to mercilessly hounding him if he does not win tonight’s game. 

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