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Congratulations! You have read your 765th feel-shit article in the Guardian this year

CONGRATULATIONS. You are one of our most regular readers. It’s clear you respect our journalism, free of influence from wealthy proprietors and special interest groups, which makes you feel like crap just reading the headlines alone.

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Get shitfaced and eat a swan: How to spend your birthday like the Queen

DO you share a birthday with the Queen? Here’s how to celebrate in wild style today, just like Elizabeth II.

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