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Five signs your partner wasn't thinking about how much they love you for a fraction of a second

IN the attention economy, even a second spent not contemplating the wonder of you is tantamount to cheating. Here are five signs your partner has been momentarily unfaithful: 

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I have my own plan for slimming down the fat unemployed, and it's needlessly sadistic

By Helen Archer, judgemental taxpayer and size eight

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