How to do a 'date' if you’ve never been on one

GOING on a ‘date’ is worrying if all your previous relationships have been based on drunken snogs. Here are the basics of what to do:

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Chuck your pint at the ceiling: the twat's guide to watching footy in the pub

TONIGHT’S the night. Been lucky enough to snag a table down your local boozer? Here’s how to ruin it for everyone else:

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