Dear Holly, Despite the haters, I’m really looking forward to whipping our universities into shape. For starters, I’ll be extending Freshers Week to a whole month, slashing prices on snakebite in the Students Union and doing everything I can to encourage chlamydia. I’ll need to get advice on all the other boring stuff like teaching and research though – do you think Michael Gove will have some useful tips on how to fuck-up an education system? Toby, London

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