Dear Holly,I love the Queen and I am prepared to die for her and the glorious union. This is why I am preparing to kill the infidel, Alex Salmond, who threatens this proud nation with his vile Scotch treachery. I intend to break into his house, put on Alive and Kicking by Simple Minds at full volume, tie him to a chair with pretty tartan ribbon and then force feed him haggis until he bursts. Do you know roughly how long this will take because I have to be at work in an hour?SandraCleethorpes

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