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'Child lockdown initiated': How to refer to everything in bullshit 'amber alert' jargon

WE’RE not experiencing an ‘amber alert’, it’s an ‘enhanced hot weather response’. Here’s how to make the rest of your mundane life more exciting with quasi-military jargon.

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Mobile phone more powerful than computer that sent man to the Moon unable to cope with 30-degree heat

A PHONE with more processing power than our space-faring ancestors had access to has been defeated by a hot afternoon.

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