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Everyone To Fuck-Up Their House

HOUSES across Britain will be fucked beyond repair this weekend as millions embark on their own horrendously ill-condsidered DIY extension.

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If Only We'd Had More Idiot Actresses, Says Mcguinness

THE IRA would have succeeded in driving the British from Ulster if it had recruited just one more dimwit actress, Sinn Féin's Martin McGuinness claimed last night.

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