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'I'm afraid your ticket isn't valid on this service,' gasps train conductor, and comes

THE conductor of a train from London to Manchester has enjoyed his sixth climax of the day by telling passengers their tickets are invalid. 

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What to do with the rest of your bitter failure of a life now you'll never be a footballer

SINCE consciousness first dawned, you were determined to become a professional footballer. You’re shit at football. So what do you do now? 

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