Jesus spent Easter Tuesday catching up on admin, says Vatican

NEWLY-RELEASED Bible verses have revealed that after his ‘lost’ Easter weekend, Jesus spent the next day trying to get his paperwork sorted out.

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Ramming swabs up our noses twice a week wasn't on the f**king roadmap, says Britain

A CONFUSED public is pretty sure sticking a six-inch swab up their nose twice a week was not originally included in Boris Johnson’s roadmap.

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