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New fathers reluctant to spend time with constantly screeching bag of shit

NEW fathers are failing to use their legal entitlement to paternity leave because they do not want to spend all day with a noisy shit fountain, according to new research.

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'Sober October' smugness better than alcohol, says woman who barely drinks

A WOMAN who cut a tiny amount of alcohol out of her life has discovered that being a self-righteous goody-goody is a much better buzz.

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