Northern Tory voter can't wait for Middlesbrough to be like Hampstead

A NORTHERNER who voted Conservative is looking forward to his hometown of Middlesbrough becoming affluent, leafy and packed with intellectuals.

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'What is this shithole and who the f**k are you twats?' asks bewildered man in office

A CONFUSED man who has returned to his office after a fortnight off wants to know why he is in this shithole and who all the twats are.

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