Small Men Devastated

MILLIONS of men just a shade under five foot nine were devastated last night as it emerged that not even the French presidency can help a short man hang on to Carla Bruni.

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Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly, My husband is a wonderful individual and we have enjoyed several relatively happy years together. The only problem is that he's a little conservative in his tastes and he would prefer to have sex in the missionary position with the curtains drawn than try out some of the things that I like doing, such as dressing up in preposterously lewd under-garments and thrashing each other with a leather cat o' nine tails. Or sniffing poppers and sticking vegetables into each others' naughty holes. I've tried to raise the issue with him but he just turns up the volume on Countdown and ignores me. What should I do?Denise,Chichester

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