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A plastic elf that shits chocolate: Secret Santa gifts for when you've no idea who the f**k they are

AGREED to the office Secret Santa and were handed an entirely unfamiliar name? And now you’ve got to buy them a present? Consider these cursory gifts: 

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Everything I did last week, by a man who was too busy to text her back

By Jack Browne, aged 33, who slid into her DMs first

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