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How to redecorate on a budget, by Carrie Symonds

WANT to spruce up the drab shoebox you sleep and shit in, but low on funds? Let prime ministerial consort Carrie Symonds explains how: 

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Eating one apple cancels out full day of junk food

NUTRITIONISTS have agreed that consumption of a single piece of fruit means that any junk food or alcohol ingested subsequently is biologically null and void. 

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