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I'm not even dipping a toe in that f**king mess, says Queen

THE Queen has responded to Brexiter calls to dissolve parliament by clarifying she is going nowhere near that shitstorm. 

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Losing scratchcard stared at for extra 20 seconds just in case

A LOSING Lotto scratchcard has been stared at for an additional 20 seconds on the chance that the buyer mistook £200 for £5,000 at first glance. 

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