'Smirk like nobody's watching': inspirational quotes from Priti Patel

TOUGH day making the hostile environment positively belligerent? Sick of leftie lawyers getting you down? These are the life mottos that I, home secretary Priti Patel, swear by.

Checking article access…

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday
privacy

Middle-class child banned from watching TV still thick

A CHILD raised on a carefully-curated diet of educational books, Radio 4 and hand-painted wooden toys is still an idiot, his parents have admitted. 

Checking article access…