WAKING up naked atop the tomb of Mother Teresa, clutching an empty bottle of overproof rum and boasting a raging erection which I think impressed even the nuns who flocked to the scene, I realise I have a little explaining to do in order to preserve ecumenical harmony. 

Join Mash Premium today

Unlimited ad-free access, exclusive stories

£0 first month

• One Month for Free
• £3 per month thereafter

Start Trial Now

Already have an account? Sign in HERE