Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Aries, March 21st–April 19th

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The Archbishop of Canterbury on… why Julia Hartley-Brewer's global warming bollocks can f**k right off

WAKING up I am dimly aware of a liquid sensation in my left ear. As I come to, I realise a cat is in the middle of a bowel movement, excreting directly into my ear canal. Ah, yes. I attended a drinks reception at Downing Street last night and must have fallen asleep in Larry’s litter tray. 

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