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Mourinho to scatter beanbags on pitch

CHELSEA manager José Mourinho will place beanbags and scatter cushions on the pitch for Sunday’s game against Liverpool.

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By the time he hits puberty he'll be armpit-farting the theme tune to Eastenders

Dear Holly, I’m worried about my son’s behaviour. He wipes snot on everything, dribbles profusely and laughs at his own farts. How can I ensure his manners improve a bit before he becomes King?

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