Subscribe

What to do with the rest of your bitter failure of a life now you'll never be a footballer

SINCE consciousness first dawned, you were determined to become a professional footballer. You’re shit at football. So what do you do now? 

Checking article access…

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday
privacy

The Pussycat Dolls, and other bands way too old for their names

LATER this year, half an act that rode to fame on the popularity of lap-dancing will play UK arenas. Their combined age will be 137 but they hobble on regardless, as do these: 

Checking article access…

Next story ›