Republican rivals accuse each other of academic achievements

Remaining candidates hire detectives to dig up evidence of ‘learning’.

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Your problems solved, with Holly Harper

Dear Holly,Every time I try to chat up a girl I end up saying something stupid by mistake which ruins my chances of a happy finish. The other day, there was a gorgeous young girl in the library. I went up to her, with the intention of remarking on how much I like Wordsworth’s poetry too, and how the lyrical beauty of ‘Tintern Abbey’ makes my heart soar. But instead I panicked and ended up telling her I wanted to blast my hot man juice all over her lovely long neck. Is there a cure for this terrible affliction?Henry,Oakham

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