Subscribe

Kirstie Allsopp's property diary: building a dream home up my own arse

YOUNG people can afford houses in areas that are cheap and undiscovered, as I plan to prove by building a three-bed family home for £120,000. Location? My anus. 

Checking article access…

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday
privacy

Six pick-up lines to guarantee you'll be wanking alone by midnight

LOOKING to get lucky? Hoping you can do it by learning a few scripted lines, like a call-centre customer adviser of love? 

Checking article access…

Next story ›