Celebrity

ABBEY Clancy and Peter Crouch were today devastated by the thought of a thief opening all their vulgar, over-priced Christmas gifts.

CNN last night said it had no recollection of who removed Piers Morgan's name from his designated parking space.

A BERNIE Ecclestone daughter is to front a new ITV2 series confronting anti-superficiality.

PLANS for the Queen's Diamond Jubilee will include a speech of unimaginable filth.

PETE Doherty believes he shares his flat with a nine-foot meerkat and a talking sofa as well as the ghost of Amy Winehouse, it emerged last night.

BRITAIN is today awaiting the explanation of a Jeremy Clarkson sex partner.

TOP Gear lynchpin Jeremy Clarkson is to sue Ricky Gervais for trying to steal his personality.

MORRISSEY the Singer is to sue himself after things he said made people think he might be a bit racist.

SIR Paul McCartney last night toasted his new bride saying, 'I really hope you're not a complete nutcase'.

MICHAEL Jackson's doctor has gone on trial accused of making him weirder than a bald cat.