Celebrity

THE Olympic torch is becoming increasingly arrogant and egotistical, it has emerged.

HAVING an interest in Lindsay Lohan is a form of insanity, psychiatrists have confirmed.

US REALITY star Kim Kardashian will face Pippa Middleton in a buttock-based confrontation that could decide the future of the monarchy.

A 22-YEAR-OLD Londoner has been amazed to find more than a hundred stories about her weight, dress sense and love life on the Daily Mail's website.

ONCE-GREAT Jedi Master Yoda will flog anything for cash, it has emerged.

PEOPLE'S princess Jordan has agreed to marry Argentinian Leandro Penna to prevent war between his country and the British Empire.

BUCKINGHAM Palace has unveiled 12 new things that Prince Harry can do to make himself useful.

THE collection of stuffed humans owned by the late Sir Jimmy Savile, rated as one of the finest in the world, is to be sold at auction.

MASTERCHEF host Gregg Wallace has left the home he shared with a live-in crumble.

CORONATION Street actor Bill Roache and Simply Red frontman Mick Hucknall have bedded the same 1,000 women, it has been confirmed.