Celebrity

HOLLYWOOD shone like a dazzling beacon of breathtaking glamour last night as a series of pathological narcissists made speeches about how important their pathetic jobs are.

THE ban on street brawling will be lifted temporarily for the royal wedding to allow celebratory fighting, it has been confirmed.

CHERYL Cole and Captain Steve Zodiac of Fireball XL-5 have been all over each in South Africa.

YOU would not believe the size of Billy Bragg's house, it emerged last night.

TOMMY Sheridan was today facing the prospect of endless three-in-a-bed sex sessions with a variety of eager new friends.

BRIAN Thompson, the Grantham butcher who set up a website, has been chosen as 'Man of the Year' by Butcher and Meat Wholesaler magazine.

LIZ Hurley has announced the imminent closure of her relationship with Shane Warne.

KATE Middleton has been misplaced somewhere in west London after her Special Branch protection officers left her on the roof of their car and drove off.

BRITAIN'S council estates have been cordoned-off after they were linked to the creation of Cheryl Cole.

PRINCE William will be barred from the throne unless he spends at least £80m on his wedding, constitutional experts have confirmed.